Filling A Book With The Things I Don't Know...

Can I...
No wait a second
Erase that from your memory
Maybe the better question is

Will I?

Will I ever be the person that envisioned I could be.
Is that person inside of me and will they ever be let out?

Did you know that speed of light is...
Me neither.

Because I could fill a book with the things that I don't know.
Hell, I could probably make it an encyclopedia.
Because I haven't gone
From Rome to whatever I would be if I went around the world and ended right next to Rome.
See, because I have NO idea what city is next to Rome.

So surely I can't say I've lived, but I can say that I have LIVED.
Because I've done plenty of things, and I've been beat against walls
And I've been thrown across the room, and I've felt the kiss of a lover.
And I've been down, and I've been happy.
And there's no way, I'd ever give it back.

In the grand scheme of everything there is, I don't know much.
But I CAN fill a book with the things that I know.
And goddamit I plan to.
Because I want you all to know that I have been alive
And I have been in love.
And I've seen things that are wonderful to tell.
But then I've seen things that make me want to cry
And I'll cry
Because I'm not afraid to cry anymore
And I don't wanna hide anymore.
So I won't.

By the time I am done
You'll know me....

The Sun Turns Grey & The Rise of Starting Anew

Another year for things to be perfect.
Until the carcasses awake and run their fingers down your spine
And leave a chill deep in your bones that even death could not subside.

Because when you expect too much you get nothing,
And I've done this all before
Makin wishes and getting no answers to the questions that I've wondered
Just how long I'm willing to be silence before my lungs explode from containing air

Songs to Sing to The Maurauder's Wife Vol. II


And so we find ourselves here again.
Washed up on the shore and still searching for the land
A firm place to set our feet in before we collapse under the pressure of menaces
We'll look to the crooked legs, of bad dogs and joyful kids
Who run circles 'round the wishing well.
Throw in your pennies and sit a spell.

This is glory in a cage.
Lavished by the wind and the suns rays.
But still as beautiful as the day it began.
Throw in your pennies and wish again.


Juliya, you are just a girl.
Eyes pointed skyward and your ear to the world.
Hearts-a-flutter will speak your name.
And sing their praises through your window pane.
They coming, calling you beautiful
Your eyes like pools of emeralds
The way you sway is a miracle.
But Juliya, you're just a girl

And they will call you their medicine.
The cure for broken hearts, and the temptress of many men.
Just don't forget where you once lived.
There's always a home for you here my friend.


Passion is lost on those who will never seek the fire out before it dies.
They live reckless and pointless and sheltered lives.
They're all asleep while the world cries.
It will all flash black before their eyes.

What we wouldn't give to have the plight of the desert sands.
Surround by all your closest friends.
One step away from enternity
Not these miles between you and me.


Many men try to live in the sea.
Away from the world and it's chemistry
Away from sadness, anger and disease.

But you've got to reach dry land sometimes
Set your feet on solid ground
And rest your weary eyes
Because when you're so far away for so long
It's easy to be overtaken by everything going on.

The secrets of mariners remain in their minds
They do not reveal them when they die.


I think you'll find that I have shared more of my life with a piece of paper than a human being
You can only dig so deep before I inevitably shut you down.
Because I don't consider that my life, my life is what I have now.
Before this, it was all an illusion, just a dream
I like to think that when I was a being beaten, it was all just a dream
That these mental scars that are etched into my mind are just that of my own imagination.

Because I couldn't live with myself if I thought otherwise
Because it's so hard to forgive when you've been hurt so much
So it helps to just forget.

I think you'll find that I have shared more of my life with a piece of paper than a human being.
And to tell you truth I want nothing more than to throw these pieces of paper from the highest rooftop
So you all can hear me scream.

I think you'll find that my life...
Only started about 3 years ago...
So I'm a 3 year old.
I'm still learning
I'm still growing
Like a newborn baby with a stunning vocabulary
Like I birthed myself when I walked out that goddamn door.

18 years all a blur
18 years of pain
18 years of suffering unjustly, and literally going insane.
18 years of broken hearts, bruises and being alone.
It took me 18 years to find that where I was
Was no where that I would call home.

Fucked Up Head - A Story Of Abuse

The lips,
and the eyes...

How beautifully

Oh the split lips and the black eyes,
Screaming no, no, but it doesn't help.
Because he's...
Drank to much
Because he's...
Lost touch

Reality is skewed
And he won't remember it tomorrow
But you'll wear the evidence on your face like a badge
He'll say he's sorry, but does he ever really mean it?
When his fist finally open, can you stand his fucking touch?

I'd wait,
I'd pray

How dangerously we'

I'd wait until he's sleeping,
And then I'd pray nobody finds him,
Because I'm done living in his ruins
He's done ruining your family
Take the kids and run away from this
Let them know just what you've
Tell them daddy won't be joining us
You're through with the things he's done.
They'll understand it when they're older
They'll see a hero in your eyes
Because you saved them from a monster
Without you they would have died.

Everyone said that you should leave him.
But they just turned the other way.
God forbid they tried to help you
You did your own way.
The abusers deserves just what they get
But it never takes away the pain.
Because the split lips and black eyes
It takes more than water to wash away.


How Beautifully Leaves Grow Old

My heart is an open wound and a book.
Writing pages of banter
To pull the sheets from the bed of our lovers.

No one will sleep here tonight because my song hasn't yet been sung.

And by the time you realize,
Just what the ghost that haunts you wants.
It may already be to late to save your soul.
And by the day you take your last breath
I may have already moved onto my next victim

No one will sleep
No one will hear
I will defy the earth and cleanse the air
Make a mockery, of what your eyes have seen.
And you will all crumble before the ghost of me.

How beautifully leaves grow old.
How full of light and color are their last days.
They'll fall to mother earth just like a child
Begging to be held

And no one will sleep here because I will pierce your ears with the sound of my exaggerations.
Once I am buried in the sky you really know just what I meant when I said "fly".

Vast Winter (Pt.1 - The Finale)

I can feel the cold freezing my life away but I can't seem to stop it.
I hear the crunch of snow as people walk by my soon to be corpse.
Can't they hear me, can't they see me?
Do they care about the things that I have seen?

These questions are considered unimportant by the wind
As it blows across my face and steals my breath away.

It's just so cold...

I lose the ability to move, and warmth overcomes me.
Like a movie in my brain, my life flashes before me.
Against all my will, my body is betraying me.
It's letting go of the little threads of life.

Can't you see me!
Can't you hear me!

The vast winter is like any other before.
But I'll never see another one again...


The Death Of Superman

Don't call me amazing.
Because I'm not.
I'm not any better than the...
Single mother trying to raise a kid on her own
Because the deadbeat father up and
Ran away.

I'm not a superhero anymore because
To call me a hero after seeing the magic of two people in love
Would just be

I may
Save lives
and I may
always be there
But have you ever been held in the arms of someone who's truly
Always There?

Love is like a row of mended white fences,
It doesn't always start out perfect but if you work at it enough
It will take your breath away.
Like the first kiss of realizing that this one is the one.
The first touch of another,
just dying to become one
with you.

I may come from another planet, but I tell
Love is other worldy too.
It's like a whole other universe where nothing ever goes wrong
Where life is worth living.

So don't call me amazing.
I'm not the superhero you want.
That's a job better left to her eyes.

All Drunken Lovers Find Their Way Home Eventually

Not all who wander are lost in the sea
Your heart is a compass, pointing to me
I've drug the moon down off its high horse
And now all I've got to do is capture the sun.
I broke ground in my mind to build you,
The greatest piece of architecture in the world
If only you could see it,
It would take your breath away

I'm not lost anymore
I found there's sand beneath my feet
I'm not drifting further and further
Out into the sea
The tide won't be taking me anywhere
Not this time, instead
I'll plant my feet in the ground and
Start walking to where you and I begin.

The poetry of the elegant, it will surely sing
The tale of us lovers, and our need to be
With phrases and metaphors, language laced beautifully
I've got no doubt, this is how we're supposed to be.

Sing me your song, and I'll sing you mine
Lend me your ear, and I promise I'll try
To lift you to the clouds, on a plane of winged words
A broken-hearted symphony, like that of dead birds
The structure is shaped, into something that I've seen
I know it too well, but I don't know what it means
Its lines are as clear, as the sea where we swim
But the it's meaning is muddy, like the lake where we first died.
I know it hurts darling,
But please don't cry
Because sooner or later
Your arms will be wrapped around mine.

Turning Us Into Birds (The Tragedy of Anna and Lee)

Our feathers dance so gracefully and with such poise
As they float down to the ground
Only to stepped upon and forgotten,
But for a moment you see them,
And for a moment you love them

She said "Did you see that beautiful feather, I wonder which bird it came from?"

She picked it up off the ground and place inside her book to keep forever, she turned her pale blue eyes skyward and wondered, what it felt like to be a bird.

He said to her "Oh Anna, won't you bring your head out of those clouds"

He never understood her, until she jumped off of the bridge, just dying to fly.

Buildings shouldn't burn because they're made out of metal
Much like our hearts when it's been broken too many times.
Someone find the architect and get the key to the lock because
I'm ready to let you into mine.

He hadn't turned on a light in 3 days, his eyes didn't want to see.
He didn't look in the mirror for a week, because he knew that he was crying
and didn't want to face his weakness.
37 missed calls, 18 from his mother, 5 from her friends...bill collectors were the others.
"Anna", he just screamed at night, "I wish I could have loved you, the way you wanted to be loved!"

When I was a child,
I thought like a child,
I saw as a child,
I played as a child,
Now that I'm an adult
I wish I had time for childish things.

Anna had always wanted children, but he couldn't give them to her.
He had held her back so much, he understood why she had to fly.
He was like a chain around her neck, harnessing her to the ground
If only he had realized that she knew more about life than he could ever hope to
She saw the beauty in things that he could never see.

As I,
Stared down at the ground,
I feel my body become like a cloud
I feel so light now,
twirling down.

Swallowed alive by shame and agony,
He never even left the house.
Until one bright morning, when the sun came in just right.
He walked to the bridge where she left him, and decided to learn to fly.

Devil May Care (Victims Of The Poetic)

Us poets,
We don't speak in a language you'll understand
Sure, it's English, or Spanish or whatever is your native tongue
But we weave intricate stories
For the simple fact
That we want to make you think
We want to leave you guessing
Because thinking is the only think that will turn the world around

I've never stood on a stage and recited any of my poems
Because I get nervous in front of crowds and I hate public speaking
But why do I feel so filled with this need to do so
Like if I ever did it, that there would be a standing ovation
Because I know passion,
I know pain,
and I know how to say every word so you'll feel it too when I do

But I won't.
Because I'm sure that I would stutter on my words,
And you'd all think me a coward,
Yeah, sure I can write these words
But what's the point if no one reads them.

Hopefully someone reads them.
And someone thinks,
Because that's all I want you to do is think.
Think about what we're losing.
We're losing lives nowadays
We're losing jobs nowadays
The world's practically collapsing in on itself
And it's up to us to stop it somehow.

So think.


Mariner: The Water Hunter

Detest the Mariner,
He is the darkened cold that brings the chill to your bones,
The blood-curdling scream that pierces your eardrums
Beauty be laid
To waste
At the hands of the Mariner
Let the icy grip bring havoc to your courtship
Pulling your lovers down into the sea

You satan,
Lucifer incarnate,
Poet in a devil's skin.
Lying in deathrows to bring
Vile to the masses
No wonder the sea is your home.
Detest the Mariner.

Songs To Sing To The Marauder's Wife...


Oh Juliet,
Drink your poison now.
Because these lips of mine will never touch yours again
The body count is just growing
No one will close the door to hell
If you turn away from the gateway
Who's to see us falling down to the depths of our own


Revolving Doors.
Your inwards then outwards
Your innards spilled on the deck
The Sailors are coming forward
Confessing to who's responsible for the shipwreck

But no one knows where the captain is
He's lost and not yet found
We're bound to the floor the the vultures eat us alive
And the sharks will drag our bodies out into the ocean.
To fill our lungs with water
And watch us drown...

Is not a message that we're waiting for,
It's a sign.


It's like the first time, every time
I look into your eyes and see
There are unicorns crossing the pasture
and I'm tired.
But they beg me to ride them,
so I try.
But they end up throwing to the dirty filthy ground below the sea
And trample me to death before I'm ever able to breathe.
Oh, these twisted images are in my head and I can't stop them
If I could find the place to put the knife I'd....

Nobody loves the killer but the killer
No one eats the leftovers but the birds
No one finds it funny that there's a murder of crows
and they're all flying towards our souls.


Passionate beauty
Hung from the ceiling
They thought her a witch and so
They threw her from the cliff

And I watched you fly
But only to your death, never did you once
Flap a wing
Sometimes I wish
That you were a bird
And you could have just flown away

Scarlet in color
Naive they say
Only evil could produce such a beauty
they informed me as they threw you away

And I watched you fly
But only to your death, your body imprisoned by
As your body hit the ground, I knew that there was no hope.
And they'd taken you from me.

Love causes flame.
But death breaths a fire.
And I set their houses ablaze
I watched them all burn at your altar.

And I watched them die
But only til their deaths, in a vengeance for what they had done.
They took from me love
and sent it to the ground like a graceful white dove.
The wind in your hair matched the fire in theirs as
I watched them all burn.

Who would have known that the water
had been thrown away.


Death is like your piano keys
88 saints in a row
The high ones, the low ones, and the ones in between
All lined up for the show.

Don't stain the pearly whites with blood because
Murder is hard to wash out of the body
Flights of wingless birds will never stop me
From forgetting the solace I found here
One day when it dies.

I've written my own obituary, in my blood
on your adulterers bed.
I hope it comes to claim, because nothing will tame you
from getting the revenge that you want.
Oh Sarah, full of life and full of joy
How I dare you to give all your treasures away
Because it's hardly a gift when it comes with such ease.
The death that you've held at the grave.

Surgery : Burning

I’ve been…
Waiting for the scalpel to tear
At the flesh of my skin
Hell, I’ve been…
Waiting for the minute
I felt like I could let you in…

And finally, it has come

This can be your season of burning
Let me be your flame, inside your heart
Let you; yearn for the surgery only I can deliver
Without a blade or instrument
Cuts don’t make it quicker.

You have spilled your own blood too many times before
Here am I just wanting to be more for you
Yearning to live with you, willing to die for you
Whole in your arms

Awake in your arms while I fall asleep in your arms
I’m not perfect but it doesn’t seem to matter in your arms
I’m not a (poet; I’m a) man with a message to speak
And I want you to hear me; I need you to hear me

Hear me say
“I love you”
And let it ring thru your heart
This message isn’t a scalpel
It’s the suture that you need
And when no one else will sew up the wound
I will…

Nudas Veritas...

While I sleep,
I know not what goes on in the world,
and sometimes I think maybe it’s better that way

I don’t want to know that people are dying,
I don’t want to know of the horrible things that “human beings” do to each other.
Because it’s not humane to be human anymore.
My car spills invisible terror into the ozone
While I drive to work to support the corporate machine?

What about my flatulence?
Because I fart maybe 6,7,8,9,14 times a day.
Dear god, what I must be doing to this planet.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love living here on earth,
I’m pretty sure that it’s like the best planet that supports human life on the entire solar system.
But that’s probably not saying much.
I wonder if there are aliens,
If they wonder about us?
If they have the
Alien Discovery Channel” that runs 3 hour marathons of shows about Earth and how
crazily mysterious it all is.

Thought about cutting myself because someone I know
thought about cutting themselves
and I remember
Just how good it used to feel.
But I won’t do it anymore because it’s not
“Socially Acceptable”
people look at you funny when they see your scars
because they don’t give a shit about how haunted your past is
about the ghost looming in your closet
or the razorblade you attached to your skin
they just think you have problems
and are nothing like them.

“fuck you”
some people heal better than others, and sometimes
there isn’t a way to cover up your past and I
wouldn’t want her to even if she could, because it
reminds me that she’s had it hard, and it reminds me that,
I’ve had it hard, but it reminds me that,
other people have it harder

Be proud of your scars, because if you don’t have them
Then you’re not human
When you stand naked in front of the mirror
If there’s not a mark on your body
or a tear in your skin
or a cut somewhere on you
then say
“I haven’t fucking lived”
because you haven’t.

If you don’t have a childhood story about one of your scars
Then I pity you,
because when the naked truth is revealed... gotta have something to say.