Breathing A Heavy Sigh Of Relief...

She, was like a heart that stopped beating on the day I left our doorstep to go to war.
She wrote me love letters that kept me warm when I was freezing in the rain.
I took a gunshot to the leg and ended up lying in a hospital bed.
But the horrors I had seen were a plague on my eyes, and I didn't know to get them out of my head.
She said,
Home is where the heart and I need you here now because I miss you.
It's been two long years since your smile brightened my day.
Come home to me.

On the day I returned home, I was merely a ghost of myself.
She knew it, and I knew it and she knew I needed help
So she held me.
And I cried so many tears that i soaked my shirt and then I went to bed.
Then I woke up at 4am, just wishing I were dead.
I left something behind, something inside of me. Hell, if I can remember it's name.
I took the revolver to my forehead, I was just going to stop the pain.
One minute I was close to death
The next minute so far away
She grabbed the gun emptied the chamber, and threw it all away.

I could never thank her enough.

Goddamn These Walls

There are memories of you if there are memories of anything
There are stories to be told that won't fit the concept of this piece
The beauty that we birthed in these goddamn walls
Could fill the Louvre to the brim with our masterpieces
And don't say you never felt it, because I know in fact you did
I see the glint inside your eyelid when we speak as though we're kids
But we're still kids and there's still love
And we can be that again, hell we still are
But these goddamn walls are holding me in like bars

You escaped from the prison through a hole carved with a spoon
You could slip into the cracks, but I'm not small enough to fit through
We need a new home.
This place isn't home for me anymore
I hope yours isn't either
Because if it is that means you've settled, and I've already lost the war.

If I knew the steps I had to take
The smile that it would make would be concrete evidence to the fact
That there is love here, and here is my heart
It's not this apartment or the bedroom, or the fucking bathroom floor
We had a child here, as a scared couple needing a place to live.
Not a place that we're going to eventually call our own
Eventually title it our home
A temporary band-aid on the problem of homelessness.
Because we we're bringing a child to this world, and he needed a roof atop his head.
And as I lay here on the floor, elbows ground red from the carpet
I wonder to myself, just how I could have stopped it
How to stop the gentle distancing that at night leaves my heart reeling
How to get so close to touch your skin, without hurting certain feelings.

How do I let you know,
that every day I wake up to an empty bed (just like you do)
and I remember that once you were there, and even if you were sleeping
I loved the look upon your face, hell I just loved your face and
I loved the way you snuggled, and it sounds so damn cliche
But I just love your skin, and the way I can run my fingers down it slowly
And I don't need anyone, anywhere to tell me how I feel about you
This will never be more real than it is here. Minutes away but miles apart
and I'm rambling now because there's so many things that I want to say and this would sound disgusting
if it happened face to face
I'd make a wreck of trying to explain this, and I wouldn't use the proper words
and you wouldn't hear my meaning, because I'd stutter on myself.

But fuck.
I love you.

Wings Ripped From A Black Swan

Her wind is a boundless butterfly flapping its designer wings
To call her beauty simply magnificent would be an understated truth at best.
She dances pirouettes in limelight while onlookers lend their gaze to the most elegant of pagents
And the dance of her own death.

The sequins sparkle brightly amongst the illuminating light
The way her body flows its a wonder how we are all alive
To witness such a spectacle without a proper frame
A piece of art without the bounds of a four corner charade.

She falls to the floor to signal that her end is near
Who will throw roses to this angel in appreciation for the tears
While she was championing us with movement, as we are swelling with her pride
Her final dance, the darkest swan
The shadow of the broken night
Then her darkness washes over us
And the curtains cast us out to sea.
Leave it to the water
To wash the stains off our souls.
She was dead before she saw us
Throw a single rose.

The Feeling Fulfilled

The physical representation of blood escaping from my being
Lends volumes to the words that I can't speak

Consider the tongue, seared at the root
Match it to the way my lip quivers when I'm too full of fear
To utter a word against you.

All I ever wanted was for you to love me,
Not understanding why I would want to be held in the arms
Of someone responsible for beating me to ashes

Consider me ashes because every fire you extinguished it,
And every flower met your feet
Every dream, you turned nightmare
And warm feeling, winter cold.

I may be growing but the fact is I'm still trapped inside this cage
Afraid to dream at night for fear of seeing your evil face,
To call you a devil would be an insult to the name
You were ripped from the 8th layer and laid on earth to produce pain

I figured these bruises would settle whatever debt I owed you,
But you weren't satisfied with flesh, you had to inflict my mind too.
A demon, monster, coward, bastard, you go by many names.
I have cringed in corners waiting for the trauma to fade me away.

...And Then My Body Became A Stage

And I'm a mess and I'm a wreck,
But that would be an understatement at this point,
I came in like a lion but I'm leaving a lamb
Deteriorating failure
Like the loser I am.

I'll keep you all on the outside
Not inside of my brain
So you won't hear the frequencies
Of the things that it's saying
You're a mess you're a wreck
A failure of all things
You may have arrived as a lion
But you're leaving a cage

I will sleep on the dirtiest of hospital floors,
Just looking for a grave.
If I can't stop all your tears
What good am I?
Why do I belong here?
My spirit may be light
But heavy is this heart
I'll shut myself from light
So I can cry in the dark.

I Speak In .WAV

I lack compression, no distortion to bitrate
My highs and lows are the peaks of the sound waves
While my frequencies vibrate,
I am nothing more than waveform,
Speaking in wavelengths and digital integration

I lack compression, I am the winner in your loudness war
I break the bass so that it rumbles louder than before.
I distort meanings into forms and shapes
Making the earth fall into my wake.

Speaking in wavelengths like before.
My open mouth is a constant source
The 1's and 0's are as clear as can be.
My mind is digital
And my thoughts are free.

Despite Popular Belief, My Tongue Is Red, Not Silver.

It seems a cheap focus to call out minor details here.
The way you broke like glass when the pressure became too much for you.
Well I'm still here holding up a world you left behind,
Standing with buckling knees on a concrete pedestal doused in flames.
I know that sometimes I need to be brought down off my high horse
But goddammit that horse is all I own.
You wouldn't trade me a penny for all these words
The silly metaphors and useless phrases I regurgitate to pass on a feeling.

I spent years building fences so my feelings would be good neighbors
and stay as far away from my mouth as they could.
I shoved them down so deep it caused an ache in my knees and a
Swelling that will never go away.
Now that I try to channel them here, I find out how hard I made it to feel at all.
It's hard to run from the truth on arthritic ankles, or a wounded knee,
with a broken back and bare feet.
Perhaps a lisp would makes these things a little more interesting to hear
To even my own ears.
I'd almost rather write in another language, just to feel like their were more words
To express the things I wanted to say.
I'm not uninspired, I'm just tired.
Tired of expecting too much from myself, like all these words are gonna make someone remember me.
So I keep writing them, in hopes that they will.
But who will ever read them?
How will they ever make it any further than this page?

It Was Dark..

Midnight sweeping through the graveyard
She never felt the passion like this.
And they never touched this way
But it was just how they wanted it.

Quieter than a heartbeat.

The look he threw into her eyes was priceless
The glance she gave him, the same.
They knew the consequences and what others would say

The grip of her on his back was more than he could bear
The nails clawing into skin so beautifully
She held the touch of fire in her hands.

Then the blood, oh the blood
She began to exsanguinate
The pieces of flesh, she tore away.

She swallowed all of his innocence before she tore the heart from his chest.

Morning growing in the graveyard
The missing body, the tangled mess.
They’ll find him hidden deep in the hedgerow
And she’s nowhere to be found.

A Dead Man Will Not Attend Your Dinner Banquet

Head under metaphorical water, because I'm not truly drowning
But I want you to believe that I'm suffocating in a pool consisting
Of everything from the afterbirth to the liner of my coffin.

Synapse will cease to fire when the room goes quiet.
Because even my nervous system wants to hear the intricacies
Of every world formed from the mouth of someone like you.

I Jump To Conclusions Like It Was Fucking Hopscotch

We gave up fighting for this cause too long ago
Hanging our heads, trudging through the cold and the snow.
The handshakes that sealed the deals for us
As blood red as the killers we had grown to trust.

We all arrived too late for the gun fight...
Throwing in knives, a last ditch effort for sanity
The cry of our own humanity stifled by
The deaths of our sons and our daughters
We sent them to the ocean just to die in the waters.
So tell me where do the children go?
Tell me what have we done?

We sent the shiver and the tingle to your spine
Watching the horror unfold as we prepared you to die.
It's not the first time destruction was set in our minds.

If you call this a life, I call it a lie.

The Kraken Speaks Through Me.....

Run through the hills of North Carolina
And without a doubt you will find
That there is ample reason to leave me to my own devices
My own creatures of habit and turns of phrase
Oh call me a twisted wreck of a shell of a man.
And I'll just point out how you can't look away.

Flee to the ponds in England.
Give their royality your vicious ways.
Your unfit mothers will come calling "bastard".
While they hold their hands out for change.
Or dance inside their burlesque homes,
to make the means to eat.
And I will break my knuckles
in the muck below the banks of the River Jordan.
Crying about how this is the place where miracles are meant to be.
But yet I see no magic before my eyes, and nothing but water before me.
I've felt the trap of an infinite passion for years now.
Long before the twinkle in your eyes led me to believe that
The love that I had given up searching for was still there
And still existed.
And no matter how many times I break skin to let blood drip down to the floor
There will never be anything as scarlet red as the flush in my cheeks the first time
That you told me you loved me.

Oh how the miracles of men get swept under the rug by those who divide our nations with their hatred
and undeniable stupidity.
God, I could rant forever about how the masses are being spoonfed, and to wake up, we must drag the spoon from out their mouth, and leave them be until they're starving, and begging for more.
But that's the job of the poets before me, to hope for the change that I need to make within the world,
To make within myself.
I may only be one man, but by the time I am dead, more than you will know me.
I will be rewritten into your history books, whether people think me a stain on beautiful white sheets.
Or just another poet spewing his useless words from his outstretched hands
trying to make everyone see that life was beautiful, when never really believing it himself.

I've seen the devil, but it is no immortal being, not the one shoved into our eyelids, blazed into our lungs.
The devil is within us all, turning and looking the other way rather than stopping to make a change.
I was the devil.
I was the devil every time I let him lay his hands on her and did nothing.
Looked away and pretending like it was never happening.
I am the devil
You are the devil.
But we can exorcise that demon once and for all if we just try.
Oh God just try.

I regret never saying this sooner.

Is The Best I Can Do, Good Enough?

Another midnight drown the drain again.
Perhaps another night that I'm just truly dying in.
Maybe just dying to
Call you on the phone
Tell you that I love you.
Or maybe just waste away.

I'll walk a thin line. Maybe it's better that way
Get past the red tape. Taking precautions was never my thing.
Maybe I'm just too cautious to
Spill how I feel right to your face.
I hope you can sense it in your bones.
Before I waste away.

Someday I won't be a coward and I'll call you.
Drip words the phone so elegant and sweet.
You'll finally understand all of my being
It belongs to the two of you, and I don't.
I just don't want to waste away.

Call it another midnight down the drain.

When I See My Mother Cry...

I don't want the red eye swell before a downpour
The last thing I ever want is to see that pain
When I see my mother cry.
I want to be there to stop the rain.

When it's my fault my mother cries.
I feel like less than a human being
Causing grief in someone else just isn't my way.
When it's the worlds fault my mother cries.
I want to build bricks walls incapable of collapsing
Around her fragile heart just so she will be protected.

When a dark clouds looms atop her head
All I want to do is breakthrough to the sky.
To cause a sunshine so bright.
She can't help but feel alive.

When I see my mother cry..

It breaks my heart.

A Regretful Handful Full of Medication

Another dose will pull the tears back this time.
But you can't be afraid to feel your whole life.
We've come so far away for this to get us.
I've got to know that you'll trust me this time.

Why are you so convinced that I'll fail?
Where did your trust go, and how can I find it.
Why are you so sure this won't work?
The blueprints seem beautiful, the architecture laid.
You've laid eyes upon the groundwork, don't sabotage the frame.

Oh, your handful of little capsules may pull you away from reality now.
But I'm still here knocking at your glass case with a hammer, waiting for something to give.
My resolve to reach you is infinite.
and I'm tired of gritting my fucking teeth.
I'm biting my tongue so hard, blood is pouring from my mouth.
Mix it with the venom of my words, and to hell it shall amount.

You're not him, you never will be.
There's no reason to keep the world on hold
No reason to stop an emotional flood from breaking down the dam
Just talk to me.
We'll be alright.
Just let me know you need me.
I'll be just fine.
The world isn't yours to care for.
We're all alright.
Take a burden off your shoulders
Before the weight breaks your back in time.

Spilling An Ink Well...

Pen to parchment, and ink like black smoke.
I’ll reverse its terror into my lungs
Before I call you on the phone
Scream out and list the reason I never won the war.
It’s a vile dusk that I just can't shake
Waiting for you.

The blood red metaphors that pull my words back
Into that abyss every time I try to rupture their chains.
The shaking syndrome of my mouth and hands
Some will call it a malady
But it's the nerves that I have built
Built a wall of them for you to see
Like a lightning strike to a building of synapse
Isn't thought a beautiful thing.

I'll pretend I'm waiting for you.
When really you're all just waiting for me.
These clouds lose their silver linings and become nothing more
Than ink blots in the sky bringing a rain to drown me in.
Forcing me to dig into this mud just to find the book of life
So I can break back these clouds and bring the sun again.

Holding Everything I Own In Your Filthy Hands

These skeletons are real.
Save the flesh and pity for me.
The fiends will walk the streets of Paris
Stealing life before it has a chance to be.
From the turnstyles to the heart-attacks
The subway to the skin of our knees
Where we fall and scrape to bone in the ending.
So save the flesh and the pity for me.

You can take a millions miles out of me and you'll find
The road I've traveled isnt much different from that of the ocean.
I can start to drown here or there, it doesnt really matter to me.
As long as when I wash up on the shore
You're right along the water, waiting to try and help me to breathe.

So push the skeletons out of their coffins
Just like you push the water out of my lungs,
Save the flesh and I wash the blood off of your white dress
And brush the dirt from your knees.

Patient Operandi

I can't look back, white linoleum,
I've got these needles in my skin, I can feel it coursing
Running through my veins and it burns
One more dose of medicine, another to the hearse.

Now you gotta tell me what to do.
Because I've made up my mind that I am over you.
I got my hospital gown draggin' the floor
The IV in my neck is all I'm living for.
Just another dose of drugs to kick the pain
Just another dose of drugs to send it all away.

Baby, tell me that the fates, they aren't so cruel
To leave me inside these walls where the dead will rule
If you go, you might just turn back much too late.
I'll be hanging from the ceiling
Choking on the tongue that sealed my fate.

It's too late to turn back, we got a smoking gun

So keep running away baby, oh that's all you've ever known
I'll be hanging from the rafters if I just can't let you go.
I never been a strong one, and you never followed suit.
So run away darling, if that's all you know how to do.

Fall Short Syndrome

If I could feel this way
I'd feel this way forever towards you
If I could make my mouth just match my heart
I'd take you over.
Make my name on your lips
The word you're speaking
When you're dreaming.
But I'm not quite the poet
I need to be to make you love me.

I make excuses for myself because I know I'll never be
Exactly what I wanted to be, which is more than I am now
But yet still less than you're deserving.
I fall short of the protagonist
The hero of your comic book
The never-ending heart.

If I could stop the rain
I'd stop these tears from falling on you.
If I was younger now
I'd be the boy who always loves you.
But I can't work the magic needed
To reverse the things I need
To make sure that your whole life
Wasn't full of hurt and constant grief

I pull excuses from the bottom of my barrel of tricks
My smoke and mirrors faded long before the final scene.
I disappoint more than I should, but I swear that I do try
I'm just not sure I'll ever be the catch that you deserve and
I am sorry, please forgive me.
But I swear that I'll fucking try.

I make excuses for myself because I know I'll never be
Exactly what I wanted to be, which is more than I am now
But yet still less than you're deserving.
I fall short of the protagonist
The hero of your comic book
The never-ending heart.

The Rain Isn't Coming....Enjoy Your Drought

There was a venom in my mouth,
yes, there was heartache in these lungs
When I cursed your house the plagues
That originate from my tongue
I was a beast of many colors
Like a jackal in my head
I regret the voice of darkness
That spewed forth from 'neath my chest

And it's just another mistake on the list of things I never do right
An epiphany that makes the scars return and then I'm lost

Then I flooded what was once my rotten head
With a goodness that I felt
I was on the edge of breaking
Before it pulled me back to health
The sweet rhythms in my ears
Yes, the noises heard so clear
That replaced my venom with soil
Where flowers grow their children

And its just not like me to do this, I make no emotions for myself
But I learn that sometimes things cannot be placed back on a shelf
Encircled by a need that I
I really like to cry too.

Handsome Daggers

The windows of your open soul are no longer for us to see through
You sprayed them with black paint to keep anyone from really seeing you
Stop cutting out your tongue, one of these days it just won't grow back
and you'll never speak another word or sing to me again.

Stop polluting yourself,
These handsome daggers won't stab any deeper
We won't be killing ourselves.
Darling, it's okay to bleed.

The microphone explodes as you spew your explanations
Not a disease, it's a cure, for the ragged infatuations
Stop cutting out your tongue, we need to hear you speak
In the end of the earth, I want you singing song to me.

Stop destroying yourself,
These handsome daggers belong in gentlemen's hands.
No more wasting ourselves.
Darling, it's okay to breathe.

Not saving ourselves,
Its a bad habit, I fear that you learned from me.
Off with the heads of our enemies
Darling, it's okay to grieve.

Its okay with me.

Deflowering The Charybdis

With my lion teeth I will tear skin from body to make the canvas on which I will paint eternity
With all the hope I can afford I will make mothers pray for a light in their broken daughter's skies
I will not be consumed as a liar, my truth is far to great for either man or deity to understand.

What do you know of mercy?
I've been here for a hundred years and I'm still tortured
My scars can't heal before they're yet ripped gaping again.

And I'll feed the lords to the wolves for their unkept promises that they place upon mortal men.

My grief shall make a wonderful pyre to place your roses upon
Before we set them ablaze and send them to the sea.
My hands will mold death and desire into the hearts of nations
Who waste time singing nothing but cowardice songs

What do you know of me?
Nothing but what I've told you.
Claim that your truth is otherwise
And fake shall be your name.

I shall shroud in mystery myself
And the very essence of my existence.
So much easier that way,
To make Kings bow at your feet.

A Man Who Realizes Things Too Late

The weatherman said that it would surely rain.
So I decided to stay indoors for the remainder of the day
I made myself some tea and pulled a book from on the shelf
Trying to forget events that lead me to this hell.

Never again, never again, never again will I
Up and run without considering why
Always the same, Always the same, Always the same it seems to me
I've been living in this misery for years

When she walked away it crumbled
When I ran away she cried
She decided the fight was worth it
I decided not to fight
Is that regret in my thoughts
Is there a echo in my voice
Or is the walls of this lonely house
Just confirming what I know.

I'm alone, I'm alone, I'm alone
And there is nothing but silence here.
I can't talk, I can't talk to myself
Because my ears to do not want to hear
What my mouth, What my mouth, what my mouth
What my filthy mouth has to say.

I shall drink the blood of my own heart today.


“My name is Nathaniel, and excuse me but I was wondering
Would you like to go with me to get a drink?
No? Well that’s ok, I was just curious, sorry that I wasted your time…”

“My name is Nathaniel”; “Hello, my name is Aylene
And I’m sorry Nathaniel, but if you could just not bother me
I’m headed home from a break up, and I thought I’d just stop in
I don’t need to be bombarded by all you stupid useless men”

I walk the streets of London a rich man
But poor in that certain sense that I’ll never find love again
I shouldn’t have let her go, she was my world, my everything
Why I up and left is something I can never say
I was scared of myself, the person I feel I have become
A monster of sorts, and I am not the only one
The glances and the stares
Enough to make me feel like giving up
And just grow into a discarded old man

Love has found me once and like a dunce I let it go
And now it’s never to return, of this I am for sure
I sit down in a coffee shop; I sip my drink alone
I tell myself my stories, thou I’ve heard every one
I pull out my pen and paper, and I try to write something
But the only thing I can scribble is…

“I’m sorry for everything”

It’s better than nothing, as I slip it in the mail
I hope she still resides there, if she doesn’t then, oh well
That letter will never make her understand what I have done
Or why I can’t return, even though she’s the one I love
I go back home and sit upon my lonesome bed
I cry myself to sleep, and shut the dreams out of my head
Because she’s in every one, and it hurts to see her face
I remember it so beautifully, it fades to black, as do my days

As Shakespeare would say “they may think their manhood’s cheap”
But mine is cheaper still since I walked from Harmony.

Your End Starts Here

Lovers in this hotel room, dirty sheets to lie between
Just a look into your eyes, she knows what you mean
We both know the intentions, it happens here tonight
This flame will never die; try as other might.

Mother doesn’t understand, her face shows discontent
But this is love at it’s purest, never shall it wait
Now approaching baby, in the stomach of Therese.
This bond grows ever stronger; this passion will never cease

Mother, I’m not listening to a single word you say
One day you will see, you were wrong in every way

Now she lays upon the bed, the pain saturates her eyes
The baby is forthcoming, as both start to cry
Healthy baby boy, start you now your days
Your first gasps of life, just a glance of future ways

Nathaniel starts to crawl, he giggles and he cries
He’s such a beautiful baby; such a passionate life.

Nathaniel, The World Lost You Today

The story has ended swiftly with the knowledge still not shared
Watching poor Nathaniel die alone upon his bed.
His flare for life only helped to sparked his tragic end
No one can mend his wounds, nor his heart or his head.

Nurses in silent anticipation, crossed hands and heads held to the floor.

Motions and machines Nathaniel, wired for your death
Share some stories of this life, before you have none left
It was a long and battered road
And to some relief, it all comes to an end
Nathaniel do not cry
For you won’t reap these benefits of sin.

From infant unto orphan until adult onto your death
You were dealt the worst of hands; no pithiness is left
The fault lies not within, at the age of 43
It was some life you lived, experiencing more you’ll ever need.

Close your eyes Nathaniel, fading sounds of machine beeps.
Nurses in silent anticipation
Wait no longer for you to sleep.

Nathaniel, End Your War

Nathaniel, dig your heels into the trenches
And press your back against the walls, mortars flying overhead.

This isn’t your war, but you will still fight it
Because it’s the obligation you inherited from your fathers

You’ll find the blood-drenched field, more than you want to take
Eventually they’ll break you down and send you running for your grave
But Nathaniel, you won’t falter, nor will you bleed a single drop

You’ve learned from day one how to kill,
From that city onto this champion of hills
Your enemy is them, but don’t become one of your self.
It’s so easy to lose yourself out here in Hell.

Oh Nathaniel, when I set you out upon this mission
I must confess I didn’t think you would come out of here alive
Imagine my surprise, and fathom my chagrin, when you killed them all.
Mothers, daughters, brothers, fathers. Nathaniel, you took down these walls.

But now I’ve tortured you long enough
I told you that you’d never bleed

Now I send you off to find love...

Nathaniel, Come Home

Nathaniel walks the streets of Rome
A rich man, but poor and without love
He’s spent too long hiding from his striking silhouette
It’s a wonder he’s not dead

He has walked a road, filled with fissures and holes
He’s broken his legs, just trying to make it known
That he wishes he had left this place, so long ago.

And I cry every evening wishing I could bring him home
Nathaniel my son, I know I have done so much wrong
I don’t expect you to forgive me, or ever speak my name
Just know, your father loves you.

His mansion may seem large, but it’s a cold place to live
The things he’s seen are images, dancing slowly thru his head
Nathaniel cries each night, only because he is alone
I sent him to find love, but taught him nothing of it at home.

And I would beat myself so bloody
Just to hear you knock upon my door
Rush into my arms, and show your mother love
You’ve been away so long son; I need you to come home

It’s not the same without you,
Just not the same without you

Harmony, Whilst The Music Of Your Concerto Fades

I fall to my knees as I open the closet door
All his things are gone, how could he just leave?
Was it something that I said, or was it something that I did
I don’t understand why he left, not a word was said.

Oh Nathaniel, where are you
Won’t you just come back to me?
I can forgive all your transgression
Just come back to Harmony.

I stare at the tearstains upon my pillowcase
Why can’t I just forget him, he didn’t love me anyway
If he did, he’d still be here, and he’s not and I don’t care.
But why can’t I stop crying every time I think his name.

These things are you fault Nathaniel,
These lines are all your doing,
And now I’ll undo the damage that you’ve caused.

Step one towards the ledge is the harder than I thought…

As she falls unto her doom, and slowly leaves the earth
A postal truck turns the corner and stops in front of her
Unaware the postman just drops the mail off in the slot
The only letter she received was addressed from Nathaniel Scotts

Nathaniel Upon Dry Hills

Nathaniel cries as he looks into the darkened skies over his hometown,
What was once beautiful has now become an institution that only dreamers can understand.

And they all drink their rum & wine,
Caring not the consequences of actions, that they themselves have yet to speak of.

Nathaniel knows that this is doom
He knows the forming clouds, pacing over his broken city
Aren't longing for any love
But begging only to drown it

They look not skyward as they dance
Eyes affixed on the girls before them
The one, two step of a beautiful masquerade
They rejoice, as though this were a parade

Flee Nathaniel
Leave this city behind to it's dust
Mother Nature will destroy it
Nathaniel, this you must trust
There is no God above
There is no Hell below
No one to judge you, for leaving behind these battered souls

Waves will crash as the water meets itself on the dirty ground before it
This is as much as Hell as anything you've ever seen
They danced so well, but they can't swim, if only they knew how
Then they could reach their lovers before they were swallowed by the mouth.

Upon dry hills Nathaniel looks at this new formed sea
He adds his tears to the waters, but they do not fall for thee
They are tears of joy because, he has finally made it out
Cities may burn, and towns may flood, and now this town has all drowned

Below the bodies rest upon the water, like they are a new bed
They sleep eternal sleep, finally they rest their heads
No one dances, no one sings, the music now subsides

Cities burn
Towns flood
And now this town has died.

Classic Mutiny Of The High Seas

Our captain falls from the highest crow's nest in the sea
Stranded with his shipwreck, Wooden leg in tow
He's the only one here who doesn't know.
This island harbors murders, liars, and thieves
And the men of the ship in which he leads

We'll bleed him dry, this is a mutiny in the highest regard
Take these decks to the depths, put this ship to the bottom
And tie him to the bow

It's not all lost now; civilization will survive
But unfortunately for our dear captain
It will be the last time that he ever
Calls us worthless and stares at us with his glass eye

Turncoats and traitors are we all
But at least we will be free
From love and lust and never knowing
What this wooden wreck will take on.

Throw this scourge to the sharks; even they won't feast of his flesh
Let him drown in the boat upon which he led us to our deaths…

Well, Since You're Down There, I Might As Well Kick You

Scattered my vital organs, amongst the grass
3 miles from my front door, but the earth is fading fast
Lights trapping me in, like a brightened mausoleum
Then by my own body, betrayed am I again

I never gave up, not once
Now I can't stop from dying
I'm not headed towards a white light
I'm just finding
That this is end of everything, just like I knew it was
Filthy these hands, face down in blood.

A corpse am I, eyes sunken and broken jaw
Tongue ripped from my mouth, for the cause
Left for dead in the pouring rain, sinking into mud
I survived your heartbreak, but I cannot take this flood.
A wave of consciousness that sinks into your bones.
You know well what you did, when you left me here alone.
It's not what you say, it's your primal reaction
Your reaction was to leave me battered and broken,
With nails driven into my lungs.

I never gave up, not once, but suddenly I've died
The white light is the sun reflecting off all the tears that you cry
This is the end of the world, apocalyptic as it was
Filthy these hands, soiled these clothes
Severed the legs, encased in blood.

Vile betrayer, you have shed from your disguise
You ripped my tongue from my mouth, so no one could hear my cries.

Abigail Played Murder In The Key Of "D"

She played concertos to the rhythm of a solemn heart
With grace, so beautifully, I cried and I smiled
She played my soul, and my heart, all at once
And she left me wanting more than I got.

So I screamed to her.

"Love can do many things,
It can tear you apart at the seams
Stab you like a knife
Infect you like a disease…
Or love can lift you to heights
Of Kings and their lovely Queens."

She looked deep into my eyes before she kissed me
I could tell there was a hurt inside those eyes
I whispered "Don't worry about the history,
I'm different from all those other guys."

I watched her play again, oh so beautifully
Her music seemed to echo all the pain
All the anguish that I had suffered
Translated through her strings.

I cried.

"You play so stunningly, It is a mystery
How you can speak my soul, with those strings
I've never heard such grace in all my days."

Love can do many things
It can tear you apart at the seams
Or it can make you realize
Just what life is like
When there's beauty
In your sights.

I loved her like no other
Such feelings I'd never felt before
Her smiled filled me with such happiness
And now I wanted nothing more.

Then she stopped playing suddenly.
And wrapped her strings around my neck
The blood rushed to behind my eyes
I knew I wasn't far from death.
My vision started to go black
I realized this was the end
I felt the blood trickling from my throat
And then she just left me for dead

I heard her play so beautifully
Her strings sang like never before
They sang of happiness and joy
From the body they left upon the floor…

Black Birds And A Change Of Viewpoint

Spray Painting Doves Black
Everything around me
Please just change
Turn these white walls
Into a familiar shade of grey
Just the monotone
And everything I said wrong
I fear these will all be
Shallow graves before long

Don’t speak to me counselor
Please just go away
Your antiquated cliches
Are more than my patience today

I’d like to say I’m sorry to the world
And I’d like to mean everything I say
Or at least have no one question
The words that compose my phrase

Everything around me
Please just change
If my blood were red
Let it now flow grey
This isn’t the same place
It’s not the same mystique
The mask have been removed
Until I don’t recognize a thing

Like the walls that surround me on all four side
Only they can tell you just what lies within
This is the deception I’ve played my whole life
But now it too grows thin...

The Dishonesty Of Crows
Fake your flight with a looped video of wings fluttering
The jury and I know you’re just running away
Scared of the life you didn’t think you were fit for
You’re just a prophet building false beliefs

How can you believe in me if you don’t believe in yourself

And I’d like to call you a liar
But I know you told the truth
You just left out the part
Where you were to scared to
Your biggest fear is to live your life alone
Well that’s become reality, you worthless fucking crow.

The phone rings to spill your pitiful cliches
Well I’m not listening, to a word you say
You crawl through the empty holes inside your head
The darkened spaces to which your heart has fled

So just fly away on your lead soaked wings
Crash into the ocean and sink.
You never learned to swim
You never learned to dance
Just words weren’t enough
When it came to love like this.

Christmas Eve In A Hotel Room

There's no way to lose track of the time
The alarm clock in my face, a constant reminder
The telephone don't ring, such a shame
It's like people think I want to sit and wallow in my pain

And there's just no place, like a hotel room on Christmas Eve
The only calming factor is the rubbish on TV
The dimly lit rooms, just a haven for the lonely
The sun doesn't rise on this side of the lobby…
There's just no place, for me.

The holidays in a hotel room just aren't the same.
The bed's not as warm and cozy and the one you left behind
With no one to talk to, watching cartoons all the time
Eating microwave lasagna isn't quite what I had in mind.
M&M's and potato chips, there's root beer in the fridge
With complimentary cups for you to pour it in.
With a single-cup coffee maker, and a lamp that swivels to any angle
I ask you just what more could anybody want?

With all these comforts of home, tell me why am I still alone?

My mind wanders to door, but I dare not open it
For fear of going out just seems a shame
I see all these couples walking, hand in hand for the holidays
And all they see is me.

I spend my money like its water, to try to pass the time,
If I tried to count the times I've gone shopping, I'd probably lose my mind.
In a feeble attempt just to appear alive.
Maybe I'll see someone I know, they'll ask me if I'm alright
I'll strike up a conversation, and we'll talk for hours at a time.
Or maybe not.

Maybe I'll just sit, and lose myself in these shows.
Shows that don't mean a thing to me…

All I Got For Christmas Was My Two Front Teeth, Dammit!

What do I do when sorrow drives a stake right through my heart?
Do I cry out loud in pain, clinch my chest and beg for relief?
Or do I just keep on walking like there's nothing bothering me?
You'll never know when it hurts
But when it hurts I want you to know
That I've been through this a thousand times before
Once I pleaded for bleeding or something more
But now that I'm grown and I'm on my way
Lines are just memories, passing away
Tell me, where do I go when heartache's pushing me to the edge of the cliff?
I've already dropped a thousand miles and I'm not sure where it'll go from here
Passion twists the fingers of the decadent messes to bring them to the surface for us all to enjoy
There's nothing like watching your greatest achievements being shattered by a hopeless romantic.
And I'll tie myself to the floor if it'll stop the train from hitting our blushing bride
Because her cheeks are so rosy I'm not sure she could take this all in stride
There's too many people with their minds on only one thing...
Who am I going home with tonight!
Tell me, who am I going home with tonight!
So what I do when compassion is nothing more than sinking cadaver in the middle of a tidal wave?
How do I bring back the chivalry that flourished just yesterday?
I could tell this story a thousand times but it wouldn't help you see the plight of the veterans.
So why not just barricade the door?
I'm not going home until someone shows me where all this love is coming from...
It's not over until somebody gets their way.

House On No Street

In the hell of the earth
Where no man dare go
There stands a house
That only death knows
It's fleeting in form
Withered in shape
And once the door opens
You'll never escape
The windows bleed black
So no one can see in
And peer into the torture
That this house represents

If you've only heard stories
Then consider yourself blessed
Because my tale is like kin
To a novel of death
Skin off the bones
And blood in the raw
Death speaking softly
With a long southern drawl

Now I regret the day
That I stepped foot in
Once the door shuts
There's no happiness again
Your pain can't compare
To what lies inside
You all bleed but know not
What it feels like to die

Hollow of all feeling
Void of all love
Stripped of your soul
Dragged through the mud
No shadow, no reflection
Just darkness in black walls
The stench of destruction
And blood in the halls

So keep your distance
Or end up like me
Dead and alone
In the house on no street

Escaping Hunterville

"It was terribly warm for that time of year...
          A humid October air stuck to my skin, leaving my clothes glued to my body, wet from the sweat and humidity. I wiped the sweat from my forehead as I looked on into the sunset, the only thing I could come to find beautiful at the time. For 10 years I sat on the steps of our house on Beachwood Street, and for 10 years I wanted to leave.                                                
          Don't get me wrong, I loved the neighborhood, all of our neighbors couldn't be any nicer to me; but it's not the surroundings that plagued me, it's what was going on right there in my own house.
          For 10 goddamned years the screaming, the yelling, the atmosphere itself had been the reason I spent my nights alone sitting right there on those steps. Sometimes I didn't even go inside to sleep at night, I'd just curl up on the bench on our porch and drift into a worried sleep. I always found myself hoping that the next day would be different, but it never was. Luckily, I had my school to escape from that hell, but it's always there leering in the back of my mind. When I got home, I'd spend my time outside with my guitar, pouring into it the emotions that I could confide in no one else...
          She'd call me in for dinner, and that's when it usually began...something didn't taste good, or dinner wasn't on time, or the house was dirty...something always pushed him over the edge. I'd absorb myself into my food, staring at it like it was mesmerizing me. But in the background, it was there. I tried so intently to block out the sound of his fist landing on her face; her hands pummeling him as fierce as they could. But it was no use…
          I'd finish my food as quickly as possible, and then slowly slip outside to just get away. In a few hours, the cries would die down, but I refused to go inside. I still remember the day I finally decided I hated both of them, and I despised even living with them. Even their hugs in the morning before I went off to school disgusted me. I didn't want them touching me with the same hands they used in anger the night before.
          Then came the night that it was somehow different, the screaming was worse, the blows rained down faster and harder than ever before. Oh God, then the gunshots…
          I knew what had happened; I just dropped my head into my hands and began to cry…
          The neighbors obviously heard what had gone on, because the next thing I knew, the lady next door was shaking me, asking me if I was okay. But I didn't answer her, I knew they were both dead. All I could do was cry…that's all I wanted to do…"
          I turned and look into the eyes of my wife, they were covered in tears; and I pulled her close to me, and kiss her forehead, and said "It's okay…I have you now, and you are all I could ever need…I love you." I returned my gaze to that house that tortured me 8 years ago. I watched as the wrecking ball smashed through the roof, then through the walls. I felt myself let out a little smile as it suddenly collapsed. I heard my wife whisper into my ear "I love you", and I turned and hugged her tightly, then said
          "Let's get outta here…"
          We took one last look at the now pile of rubble that used to be that fucking house. Then, we walked away, to never return again…

Ghost Never Die

The Ghost Of Epic Heroes (Put Myself To Rest)

Well here I go again, and my screams
They just sound like TV static
The absence and void of being
The descent of fatal flaw...
O' heart, you've never felt so deadly...

I draw back with all my might...

But yet my sword draws no blood
Yet my blade brings no scar
How do I fight when I'm useless
A beggar in warrior skin...

Strung up from gallows I helped construct...

Call me a thief
Call me a liar
Use the only words you know
Force-feed me your diet
Of broken promises
Your poison soup
For my tortured soul...

O' heart, you've never failed me so...

Rain down, and flash black, so none but us can see

The Ghost Of Those In Panic (Forest Of Sleeping Giants)
I'm wide awake watching
This whole world sleeping in...

What do I do?
How do I warn them,
If we follow the path of these ways
Then there's no way we can ever leave this hell

Am I the only one here,
Who sees the tragedy,
That we are about to unfold?

So keep the door shut
Open the window instead
And crawl out to the back alley
Before someone finds us dead...

And we are all just messengers
With a warning that we share
First we must realize our position
Before we take on the burden we bear

Scream at the top of your lungs
"Those who are now sleeping,
Everybody, Please wake up!"

The Ghost Of Painful Memories (A House Under Dreary Skies)
There is no home here now
Just a building that I can see
The grass has died and faded
And the walls are cracked and worn
The photos that once hung on the wall
Have now crashed to the floor

There's no home here now
There's no place to lay my head
The silence feels so hollow
Like emptiness and death

This is not the place I learned to
Walk, and talk, and live
It seems like a ghost of
A past that never happened...

I can forget the screams
I've learned how to forgive
But as I look around, I can tell
There is no home here now,
And this is no place I want to live...

Throne To Dogs

Well tell the wolves and their kings to stop howling
I'm just trying to get some sleep on this most solemn of nights
Laying down my armor at the foot of my bed
I never wear want to be the killer again.
No, I never want to see that side of things.

Forty long years.
Dragging my sword through the mud and muck
Forty long years
Just trying to keep myself clean from the blood

And I'll be damned if I'll be a warrior again the next time they beckon.
Because I've had my fair share of close calls and I think it's time to close the book.
Tomorrow I will burn these things, and you'll never see me kill again.

I'm done
Forty long years
Dragging their bodies through the dirt and dust
Forty long years
I'll be lucky just to see the kids of my kids.

No longer.
Have the old me thrown to the dogs to devour whole before he rises from slumber
No more.
I fought your wars for forty years and now I am through.

I Don't Wanna Stop...

Everyone knows Dylan Thomas,
And everyone watched the Dangerous Minds
And we all know that he said "Rage, against the dying of the light"

Maybe my light's dying,
The me I used to be is becoming a little bit dimmer,
So I've got to learn to rage against the dying of myself
To beat against the walls of this concrete hell and yell
"I am not a prisoner or a victim!"

Because if anyone's to blame for why I feel insane, I am.
And if I could ever set foot on the doorstep of the grandfather that took my childhood
I would just to throw hate into his face, and that would just feed the ugliness of his soul.

So I'll rage against the dying of myself, throw my hands up to the clouds and exclaim
"I am a free spirit, and I dare you to fuck with me!"
Because I spent years in a jail cell of my own making
On a floor caked with blood and skin of my own taking.

All I want to do is spill ink onto page and make it turn into a poem
Spill paint onto canvas and call it a masterpiece,
I want to be so much more than I allow myself to be.
I want to be a crutch and a healer to those who love me.
I want to...

So I rage against the dying of myself, because I am a light that won't ever extinguish
Even when I'm gone you'll all remember me.
Because I want to leave an impact that would make oceans turn red
A footprint in the sad that would make god himself blush.

I want to be more than mankind...

So I'll rage against the dying
of myself...

When The Marauder's Wife Sings Back To Me

Oh sweet stranger, how I have lied to you
Fooled you with my beauty, but surely you knew
That I'm just a collector of hearts and now,
Yours will placed on my shelf

You'll find me a false skeleton of the princess you're seeking
The skin a pigmented glimpse of the touch that you yearn for.

My truth would scar the sun and I'm not in the business of being in love with you.
I'm just the flicker of the eyelash that graces your cheek when the butterflies kiss you to sleep.
I never said I was a saint, you just saw me that way.
I played innocent while you played the fool,
Now look what I've done to you.

Oh sweet stranger, how I've lied to you.
I'm merely a ghost that will vanish as soon as you open your eyes.


No beautiful, I don't believe, there's no way that this can be true.
I've sung you my songs til I'm blue in the face, and now tell me what shall I do.
Shall I sail the seas just looking for another girl of your poise & beauty.

No, no, I shall keep trying.
I won't give up until you love me.

I'm not like the others who you have laid with on your bed.
I much more than a mere man who has visions of you in his head.
I can kiss your lips, and I can make you feel.
You're not a ghost, you're my angel
Why can't you believe this is real.


Wake up from slumber you pitiful fool.
I'm no longer here to amuse you,
I've had my fun, and I'll slip away.
I have no other use for you.


How could you do this to me.
All the things that I've sacrificed


I didn't ask you to love me,
I just wanted your love that night.


Oh, what shall they say when I tell them my story.
How I and the marauder's wife had a love that they could not touch.
And of how she tore my heart away, and ground into the dust.
Her kiss, her gentle hands so beautiful when they hugged me.
But now I shall sit here and cry, over you my lovely.


Don't you waste your tears on my me, I'm not worth the effort.


You don't know me, and you never will.
I swam the oceans and braved the storms to sing my songs at your will.


I never asked you to sing to me.
I've enjoyed you long enough, now it's time for me to set you free.


I can not turn back now, she's all but closed the door.
Will I ever get over this pain that fills me?
Will I ever want to love again.
Perhaps I feel too anxiously.
Should I ever fall again?